You may think of yourself as something else, but genetically we are right in the middle of the small hominid family. We are not even a side branch.

The hominid family is defined by the absence of a tail (whereas monkeys have tails), flat chests, long arms, large bodies, and exceptional intelligence. Apart from humans, this family includes chimps, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans. No one has ever given a good biological reason why humans shouldn’t be called apes—or bipedal apes, if you wish.

Some have even suggested that our genus should be merged with that of our closest relatives, chimps and bonobos. For historical and ego reasons, however, we cherish our separate genus, Homo. But given the DNA similarities with other apes, it might be more appropriate to classify ourselves as “the third chimp.”

Each ape has its unique specializations, which makes it hard to extrapolate directly from them to us. Best is a triangular comparison involving our next of kin and ourselves to see what we have in common and where each one of us diverges.

Frans de Waal, Different

Beni: Hi, I’m Beni, a bonobo—a great ape, like you!

I welcome bonobos precisely because the contrast with chimps enriches our view of human evolution. They show that our lineage is marked not just my male dominance and xenophobia but also by a love of harmony and sensitivity to others.

Since evolution occurs through both the male and the female lineage, there is no reason to measure human progress purely by how many battles our men have won against other hominins. Attention to the female side of the story would not hurt, nor would attention to sex.

For all we know, we did not conquer other groups, but bred them out of existence through love rather than war.

Frans de Waal, Bonobo And Atheist

An furthermore, let me say this: that ape ain’t no dreamboat either.

First I give it a banana—okay? It grapped the banana an started peelin it, but then it put the banana down. Banana started floatin all aroun the cabin of the spaceship an I got to go find it. I give it back to the ape an he start mushin it up an flingin the mush everplace, an I got to go clean that up. Wants attention all the time too. Evertime you leave it alone it commences to put up an enormous racket an clack its jaws together like a set of them wind-up teeth. Drive you nuts after a wile.

Finally I got out my harmonica an started playin a little somethin—”Home on the Range,” I think it was. An the ape started to calm down a little. So I played some more—stuff like “The Yellow Rose of Texas.” Ape is lyin there lookin at me, peaceful as a baby. I forget there is a tv camera in the spaceship an they is pickin all this up down there at groun control. Nex mornin when I wake up somebody hole up a newspaper in front of the camera down in Houston for us to see.

The headline say, “Idiot Plays Space Music to Soothe Ape.” That is the sort of shit I has got to contend with.

Forrest Gump

Bonobos still live in the original swampy rainforest where apes likely evolved. For this reason, they may most resemble the original apes from which all African hominids descend, including humans. This ancestor may also have shown the arrested development that marks both bonobos and us.

Our species is neotenous, which means that we carry fetal or juvenile traits forward into adulthood. Examples of neoteny are our naked skin and bulging cranium. We also retain the playfulness and curiosity of juveniles. We play, dance, sing, and keep exploring new knowledge until we die. Neoteny has been called the hallmark of our species. Bonobos have sipped from the same youth potion. They, too, stay forever young.

Bonobos also share with us a frontal vulva with a prominent clitoris, which make face-to-face copulation and genital-to-genital rubbing favorite positions. Early primatologists resorted to Latin to describe their sexual habits, saying that chimps copula more canum while bonobos copula more hominum (chimps mate like dogs while bonobos mate like humans).

Bonobos engage in sex in every possible partner combination, with female-female sex carrying special significance. It is the glue of their sisterhood.

The most common pattern is GG (genital-to-genital) rubbing, also called hoka-hoka. One female wraps her arms and legs around the other and clings to her. While they face each other, the two press their vulvas and clitorises together, rubbing them sideways in a rapid rhythm. The bonobo clitoris is impressively long.

Bonobos carry big grins on their faces and squeal loudly during GG rubbing, leaving little doubt about whether apes know sexual pleasure.

It’s a mere historical accident that early explorers ran into chimps first, which is why scientists still turn to them when discussing our pedigree. If the explorers had run into bonobos first, these apes would now be our primary model.

Think of the fascinating implications that might have had for our ideas about gender!

Frans de Waal, Different

Of course, empowering the female is often sexually liberating for them, but also I love to be controlled by a strong woman. So I imagine her on top of me as she contracts her vaginal walls and pulls in her abdomen in slow, powerful undulations. She is a belly dancer astride my member.

This imagery alone is enough to cause an erection.

Charlie Kaufman, Antkind

In the natural habitat, social tensions may be uncommon, but they aren’t absent.

An adult male bonobo makes a threatening move on a low-ranking female with a newborn. She almost loses her balance in the tree but then pushes him off her branch and pursues him with shrill screams. Fifteen or more apes join in a fierce attack against this male.

The outbreak of violence suggests that bonobo society has a deeper layer, one generally hidden by its Woodstock facade. Other field studies confirm coordinated female protests against male harassment.

Thanks to their camaraderie, females keep violent males in check. Their solidarity even crosses group boundaries. When groups mingle in the forest, females from different groups may band together against aggressive males.

But in their natural habitat, male bonobos have few worries. They stay out of trouble by regulating their distance to the core of the group. They hang out with the females if all goes well, but if things get edgy, it’s easy for them to get away. They just disappear for a while.

Most of them are well liked and enjoy plenty of sex and grooming with the females. They are an integrated part of the community.

Frans de Waal, Different